Tartarus - may you rock in hell!

by Hereward Kaye

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about

A Rock Musical loosely based on Dante's Divine Comedy & Orpheus And Euridyce. Nev discovers that the father he never had - Virgil - committed suicide. After taking a terrible beating at the hands of his girlfriend's murderous twin brothers, Nev finds himself in the afterlife too. The Circles of Hell bear an uncanny resemblance to his computer game Underworld (at which he is brilliant) so Nev knows the fate of a suicide is to turn into a tree, for all eternity. Can he get past the obstacles - a rabid Cerberus, a bloated Elvis, Hades Courtroom & the Punishment Fields of Tartarus - and claim the love of his father before his father is claimed by Suicide Orchard?

credits

released March 4, 2014

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all rights reserved

about

Hereward Kaye Haywards Heath, UK

Singer/Songwriter, Musical Theatre Composer & Lyricist, Scriptwriter.

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Track Name: Brothel Creepers
SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
WE MISS YOU MY OH MY

SHARON
VIRGIL
MOURNERS
PINK SOCKS AND A BOOTLACE TIE

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
TELL THE PEOPLE FAR AND WIDE

VICAR
Virgil lived, and he lived till he died.

SHARON
HE WAS A ROCK ‘N ROLL FAN MY OLD MAN VIRGIL

MOURNERS
VIRGIL

SHARON
THE BOP-A-LOO, BOP-A-LAM OF WEST HAM, VIRGIL

MOURNERS
VIRGIL

SHARON
HE WALKED PAST, HE TURNED BACK AND SAID FINDERS KEEPERS

RICK & FRANK
KEEPERS

SHARON
HE LOOKED SASS, HE LOOKED CLASS,
HE WORE BROTHEL CREEPERS
JEEPERS CREEPERS!

DAI THE DEATH
NOW HE’S BEYOND THE GRAVE

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
WE MISS YOU MY OH MY

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
PINK SOCKS AND A BOOTLACE TIE

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
TELL THE PEOPLE FAR AND WIDE
VIRGIL LIVED, AND HE LIVED TILL HE DIED.

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
WE’LL MISS YOU ALL THE TIME

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
DEATH’S A SIN, BUT IT’S NOT A CRIME

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
WHY MUST WE SAY GOODBYE?
VIRGIL WAS, ONE HELL OF, OF A GUY.

(UNDERSCORE continues)

VICAR
Since our brother left us, he's found a new place to dwell. Along a dark and lonely street...

NEV
He wasn’t our brother. He was my brother.

SHARON
Don’t be ridiculous. And switch that thing off.

NEV
He was my brother! Like a brother.

SHARON
You poor, deluded boy.


NEV
What was he then (scornfully) “Mother”?

SHARON takes a reckless swig from her bottle of Martini.

SHARON
He was your father!

NEV
No! No!!

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
WE ARE YOUR NEXT OF KIN

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
DEATH’S A CRIME, BUT IT’S NOT A SIN.

SHARON
VIRGIL

MOURNERS
SHOUT IT OUT FAR AND WIDE

SHARON
VIRGIL WAS

MOURNERS
YES HE WAS

SHARON
ONE HELL OF

MOURNERS
ONE HELL OF

SHARON
VIRGIL WAS, YES HE WAS, ONE HELL OF A GUY!
Track Name: Another Hero (fragment)
FRANK
ANOTHER HERO BITES THE DUST

GRACIE
ANOTHER HERO HITS THE TRAIL

RICK
ANOTHER HERO WAVES AT US

BINHEAD
ANOTHER HERO FAILS

MOURNER FIVE
ANOTHER HERO BITES THE DECK

MOURNER SIX
ANOTHER HERO HITS THE RAILS

MOURNER SEVEN
ANOTHER HERO, WHO COULD FORGET?

NEV
ANOTHER HERO SAILS
Track Name: Night Inside A Fridge
VIRGIL
LOT OF TROUBLE SINCE THE DAY I GOT THE SACK, BACK
IN SEVENTY FIVE. THEN ELVIS DIED.
KICKED A HOLE IN OUR DOOR, NOW IT'S A CATFLAP.
I FELT SO NUMB I CRIED AND CRIED.

LOT OF TROUBLE, LOT OF ROWS, A LOT OF CLAPTRAP.
I'D TAKE RIGHT OFF AND DOWN OUR STREET.
CAME AND WENT, BUT I ALWAYS HUNG ME CAP BACK,
UNTIL OUR SHARON WAS INDISCREET.

VIRGIL climbs out of his coffin.

THEN I JUST FREAKED, SNEAKED OUT THE BACK DOOR
THINKING WHAT'S THE USE IN LIFE,
THE ENDLESS STRIFE, WHAT’S IT FOR?
AND THAT IS WHY I JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE.
GOT MYSELF EMBALMED AND SPENT A COLD AND LONELY
NIGHT INSIDE A FRIDGE.

SINGING ELVIS IN ME LOCAL KARAOKE
ALWAYS GUARANTEED AN EXTRA-MARITAL FLING
IF SHARON KNEW SHE WAS ALWAYS OKEY DOKEY
IT DIDN'T MEAN NOTHING, THAT WAS THE THING.

SOMEHOW OR OTHER, SEEMS I DID OFFEND HER
SHE BEGAN TO PLAY ME AT MY OWN GAME

VIRGIL
NEVER DARED GO ON ANOTHER NAUGHTY BENDER
COS WHENEVER I WENT - a stranger came!

I KNEW WE'D PEAKED, SNEAKED OUT THE BACK DOOR
THINKING WHAT'S THE USE IN LIFE, IT’S JUST NOT RIGHT ANYMORE.
AND THAT IS WHY I JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE.
GOT MYSELF EMBALMED AND SPENT A COLD AND LONELY
NIGHT INSIDE A FRIDGE.

UNDERSCORE continues. DAI THE DEATH emerges from the shadows. He and VIRGIL fall into step.

DAI
I trust you 'ave enjoyed the journey so far?

VIRGIL
Yes, very nice, very comfortable.

DAI
Coffin wasn't just an incy bit tight?

VIRGIL
No, good fit, nice lining.

DAI
Pleasant post mortem?

VIRGIL
Fine, fine.

DAI
I had to break a few bones. You died with a fierce ...

VIRGIL
No hard feelings, none whatsoever.

DAI slinks back into the shadows. VIRGIL climbs back into his coffin.

VIRGIL
SO I JUST FREAKED, SNEAKED OUT THE BACK DOOR
THINKING GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD,
WHAT DOES MY GIRL TAKE ME FOR?
AND THAT IS WHY I JUMPED FROM A BRIDGE.
GOT MYSELF EMBALMED AND SPENT A COLD AND LONELY
NIGHT INSIDE A FRIDGE. INSIDE A FRIDGE.
INSIDE A… A FRIDGE.
Track Name: Arcadea
PLAYER 1
SHOOT EM UP, SPLAT EM UP,
BEAT EM UP, SLASH EM UP,
POWER AT MY COMMAND.

PLAYERS
NEW GAME!

PLAYER 2
SIMULATOR, ACTIVATOR
INTERCEPTER, LIQUIDATOR
EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS

PLAYERS
NEW GAME!

PLAYER 4
MAYBE SEE YOU LATER
ON A PLATFORM ELEVATOR
JOYSTICK IN MY, JOYSTICK IN MY HANDS

PLAYER 1 & 2
NEW GAME, JUST CAME,
EVERYBODY’S HEARD THE NAME -
UNDERWORLD!

PLAYERS
NEW GAME!

PLAYERS 3 & 4
ORPHEUS, YOU AND ME
GOT TO SAVE EURYDICE
CROSS THE STYX AND GET THE GIRL.

PLAYERS
NEW GAME!
PLAYERS 1 & 2
GET THRU CIRCLE THREE
HELLHOUND AND TALKING TREE
WHAT A PEARL!

PLAYERS
ARCADEA - WE WHO NEVER DIE!
ARCADEA - WE WHO WILL SURVIVE!
ARCADEA - LIVE AND BREATHE AND WRITHE IN ARCADEA!
ARCADEA - WE WHO NEVER DIE!
ARCADEA - WE WHO HAVE MORE LIVES!
ARCADEA - UNDERWORLDERS CRY:
ARCADEA! ARCADEA!
Track Name: Love Will Sail
NEV
It’s a lovely name; Gracie.


GRACIE
After Gracie Fields...

NEV
Is that in Liverpool?

GRACIE
It’s not a place, dickhead!

NEV
IT'S A PLACE WHERE WE CAN SHARE SANCTUARY
CARRY ON, GO ON LOVING
GO ON LOVING WHATEVER YOU DO.
MY WARM SUN IS ON YOUR HORIZON
YOUR PALE HORIZON, ONLY FOR YOU.

GRACIE
MY CUPID TATTOO IS POINTING AT YOU.
OUR PROMISE I’LL KEEP TILL YOU AND I SLEEP
YOU AND I SLEEP TOGETHER

NEV
HOLD THE FLAME AND CARRY ON, LOVE KEEP BURNING
LOVE KEEP BURNING FOR ME AND YOU.

GRACIE
FOREVER, WE TWO.

NEV
I’M STARTING ANEW.

GRACIE
HERE’S LOOKING AT YOU.

NEV
ON YOUR AVENUE.

GRACIE
WHERE MOUNTAINS ARE STEEP

NEV
OH YEAH!

GRACIE
WHERE OTHER BOYS WEEP
LIKE LOVERS WE’LL LEAP TOGETHER

NEV & GRACIE
LOVE WILL SAIL ON THROUGH
TRUE WATERS RUN TRUE
AND RIVERS RUN DEEP
AND YOU AND I SLEEP THE WAY LOVERS DO
LOVE WILL SAIL ON THROUGH
OH YEAH!

NEV
JUST KEEP BELIEVING
KEEP BELIEVING WHATEVER YOU DO.

GRACIE
HOW BRIGHT IS YOUR STAR?

NEV
IT’S SHINING FOR YOU

GRACIE
WHEREVER YOU ARE

NEV
I HAVEN’T A CLUE

GRACIE & NEV
ONE PROMISE TO KEEP
THAT YOU AND I SLEEP
YOU AND I SLEEP TOGETHER

LOVE WILL SAIL ON THROUGH
TRUE WATERS RUN TRUE
AND RIVERS RUN DEEP, AND YOU AND I SLEEP
THE WAY LOVERS DO.
LOVE WILL SAIL ON THROUGH
TRUE WATERS RUN TRUE
AND RIVERS RUN DEEP, AND YOU AND I SLEEP
THE WAY LOVERS DO.

LOVE WILL SAIL ON THROUGH,
LOVE WILL SAIL ON THROUGH
LOVE WILL SAIL ON THROUGH…
Track Name: Large Martini
CHARON
YOU’RE SAILING INTO THE MOUTH OF A LION
MORE THE FOOL, MORE THE FOOL
YOU’VE JUST BOUGHT A ONE WAY TICKET.
FIRST I FERRY YOU, THEN HELL BURIES YOU
DON’T EXPECT MY SHOULDER TO CRY ON
FATE IS CRUEL, AS A RULE
YOU’RE ONE MORE TREE FOR THE THICKET
CAN’T SAVE YOU FOR I’VE SOLD MY SOUL TOO.

PAY THE DEVIL'S PORTER.
CROSS MY PALM TO CROSS THE WATER.
CERBERUS CAN’T WAIT TO SEAL YOUR FATE.
UPON THE FAR BANK PROWLING,
D’YOU HEAR THE HELLHOUND GROWLING?
IT'S LIVING FLESH HE'S AFTER.
HIS THREE HEADS HOWL WITH LAUGHTER!

I'LL RAISE A LARGE MARTINI.
I MEAN A LARGE MARTINI.
STOW A HEART OF STONE AND RIDE THE WAVE.
TO PITY IS TO SHIVER,
BETTER TO FACE UPRIVER
AND TOAST THE FOOLISH BRAVE.

ROLL ON, UPHOLD US RIVER
SNAKEBRIGHT, UNCOILING RIVER
SHORE TO SHORE, TWIXT DESTINY AND FATE
THE SADIST HADES BECKONS
IT’S RECKONING DAY HE RECKONS
IN PRAISE, WITH HANDS A-CALLOUSED
I RAISE THEE ONE LAST CHALICE

I'LL POUR A LARGE MARTINI
I MEAN A LARGE MARTINI
TO FATE THAT CAN’T BE CHANGED
FOREVER I’LL DELIVER, AND NEVER CRY A RIVER
AND PUSH THE BOAT AWAY
FOREVER I’LL DELIVER, AND NEVER CRY A RIVER
AND PUSH THE BOAT AWAY!
Track Name: Gung Ho!
RICK/FRANK
GUNG HO! HERE WE GO, DON'T GET MAD GET EVEN
GUNG HO! HERE WE GO, DON'T GET MAD GET EVEN
GUNG HO!

READY FOR IT NEVILLE?
YOU’RE UP AGAINST THE DEVIL!
THE PLAYING FIELD’S UNLEVEL
BUT DON'T GET MAD, IT WON’T GET EVEN
WE’RE THE BASTARDS ON THE CLUB DOOR,
YOU’RE THE BLOOD UPON THE DANCE FLOOR
WE LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF WHAT FOR
A BIT OF ROUGH JUSTICE AND LOVE LIES BLEEDING

RICK/FRANK
WHOAH - OH - OH AY! WHOAH - OH - OH AY!

NEV
I'M ROUNDING ON THE BULLY - I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.
YOUR KID SISTER’S WELL RID

FRANK
SMACK YOU WITH A BIN LID

RICK
WANT TO HEAR THEM CLASH

FRANK
AND CLANG?

RICK & FRANK
PUNCH YOUR LIGHTS OUT, BANG BANG BANG?

They lay into NEV, who falls. The big blows go in.

RICK & FRANK
GUNG HO, HERE WE GO! GUNG HO, HERE WE GO!
GUNG HO! GUNG HO!
Track Name: Castles
GRACIE
BLACK AND BLUE
THESE BRUISES ARE JUST A FEW
TOMORROW THEY FADE AND DIE
BUT NEVER WILL YOU AND I

LIFE’S STILL FINE
HAPPINESS YOURS AND MINE
GRACIE
FOREVER I’LL HOLD YOU NEAR
AND WE’LL NEVER WALK IN FEAR

AND GOD I KNOW, IT'S ONLY CASTLES BUILT IN SPAIN
I'M PLAYING THOSE TRAINS AND BOATS AND PLANES
LET MY HEART RULE MY BRAIN
WHILE YOU'RE LYING IN PAIN
I'M MAKE BELIEVING WE’RE RIGHT AS RAIN.

YOU'VE NOBODY ELSE TO CALL YOUR OWN
YOU'RE A HUNDRED MILLION MILES FROM HOME
THINK OF THIS WHEREVER YOU MAY ROAM
I HOLD YOU....
Track Name: Never Say Dai
CORPSES
(whispering)
Dai, Darcy, Selwyn, Ron
Horace, Boris, Barry-John
Thomas, Morgan, Taffy, ‘Tone’
Oswald, Owen, Lloyd George Jones!

DAI
MY NAME IS DAI

CORPSES
HIS NAME IS DAI

DAI
FROM ROSS ON WYE AM I, AN

CORPSES
UNDERTAKER.

DAI
IF YOU SHOULD DIE

CORPSES
IF YOU SHOULD DIE

DAI
THE PERFECT MAN AM I, I'LL

CORPSES
SEE YOU LATER.

DAI
I'LL TAKE YOUR BODY COLD AND BLUE
I'LL GIVE YOUR CHEEKS A ROSY HUE
THE TEETH I CLEAN, THE NAILS I FILE
THE FACE I WREATHE IN SMILES.
IF YOU'RE ALIVE

CORPSES
NEVER SAY DAI!

DAI
IF YOU'RE ALIVE

CORPSES
NEVER SAY DAI!

DAI
MY NAME IS DAI.

CORPSES
HIS NAME IS DAI

DAI
AND YOUR ACQUAINTANCE I WILL

CORPSES
SOON BE MAKING

DAI
HEAVEN FORBID

CORPSES
IF YOU SHOULD DIE

DAI
YOU HAVE MY WORD, YOU HAVE MY

CORPSES
UNDERTAKING.

DAI
I’LL CLOSE YOUR EYES, CHOOSE WHAT YOU WEAR
WITH MY MASCARA I’LL BE THERE
TO CLEAN YOUR TEETH, TO CUT AND FILE
TO WREATH YOUR FACE IN SMILES, IF YOU'RE ALIVE

CORPSES
NEVER SAY DAI!

DAI
IF YOU'RE ALIVE

CORPSES
NEVER SAY DAI!
CORPSES
(Whispering).
Fluid, slab, formaldehyde, cemetary, suicide.

DAI
PAST IMPERFECT.

CORPSES
Coffin, corpse, cremate, embalm
Rigor Mortis, snap the arm!

DAI
FITS INCH PERFECT.
THEY DREDGED THE RIVER JUST FOR YOU
THEY FOUND YOUR CORPSE, YOUR CORPSE WAS BLUE
I DRAINED THE BLOOD, I DRESSED YOUR HAIR
I WORKED WITH LOVE AND CARE, IF YOU'RE ALIVE

CORPSES
NEVER SAY DAI!

DAI
IF YOU'RE ALIVE

CORPSES
NEVER SAY DAI!
HE’LL DRAIN YOUR BLOOD, HE’LL DRESS YOUR HAIR
HE’LL WORK WITH LOVE AND CARE

DAI & CHOIR
NEVER SAY DAI!
Track Name: Voodoo Star
CHARON
WHAT'S IN MY DRINK, I CAN'T THINK AND I'M SO FAR FROM HOME
FLYING MY KITE IN THE NIGHT WHERE THE STRAY CATS ROAM

CHARON
IF IT'S A DREAM, IT'S NOT ALL THAT IT SEEMS
FOR YOU CALLED AND I ROLLED LIKE A STONE
MAYBE IT'S MAGIC, IT'S BLACK WHITE OR TRAGIC
SWEET MAGIC, CAN'T LEAVE IT ALONE.

VIRGIL
DON'T ASK ME TWICE, I CAN DIG SACRIFICE
I'M THE BEST THING SINCE ABRAHAM'S SON
MY BREAD AND WATER'S YOUR LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER
IT SOUNDS LIKE A DEAL SHOULD BE DONE.
WATCHING YOUR HIPS O CALYPSO, I'VE FIXED SO COME ON
IF IT'S A QUARREL, A QUESTION OF MORALS
BABY I ONLY HAVE ONE.

VIRGIL & CHARON
DANCING BANDA UNDER VOODOO STAR,
ALL NIGHT BAMBUSHE, ALL NIGHT SHANGRILA
NO BOKO'S CURSE IS GONNA DO ME HARM
MY MAMBO SHE'S MY MOJO CHARM.

CHARON magically produces her pole and the two of them limbo. Shimmy. Eat one another’s olives.

IN THE STRANGEST OF DREAMS I HEARD SWEET MELODIES
AND I KNEW THAT I JUST HAD TO COME.
NOW WE'RE HERE MAKING LOVE TO THE BEAT OF A DRUM
ALL THE STARS I CAN SEE SEEM TO GLINT WICKEDLY
AND I'LL SWEAR THAT THE MOON JUST STRUCK ONE.
WHILE THE FIREFLIES AND I DANCE WITH SHADOWS LIKE SPIES
AND THE WHITES OF YOUR EYES TURN ME ON.

DANCING BANDA UNDER VOODOO STAR
ALL NIGHT BAMBUSHE, ALL NIGHT SHANGRILA
NO BOKO'S CURSE IS GONNA DO ME HARM
MY MAMBO SHE'S MY MOJO CHARM

DANCING BANDA UNDER VOODOO STAR,
ALL NIGHT BAMBUSHE, ALL NIGHT SHANGRILA.
NO BOKO'S CURSE IS GONNA DO ME HARM,
MY MAMBO SHE'S MY MOJO CHARM!
Track Name: Descent & Penniless
SOUL ONE
DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING OR WHERE I’VE BEEN
ONLY KNOW I’M SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN, I’M A

SOULS
LOST SOUL ON A RIVERBANK
RUNNING ON EMPTY AND MY MIND IS BLANK

SOUL TWO
SOMEHOW I’VE FALLEN DEEP BENEATH THE GRAVE
OWE MY SOUL, I MUST BE SOMEONE’S SLAVE, I’M A

SOULS
LOST SOUL IN A PUZZLE WOOD
CAN’T SEEM TO RECOGNISE THE NEIGHBOURHOOD

SOULS
OH YEAH, PENNILESS! OH YEAH, PENNILESS!

SOUL THREE
DON’T KNOW HOW I GOT INTO THIS FIX
PENNIES FOR EYES BESIDE THE RIVER STYX, I’M A

SOULS
LOST SOUL AND THERE'S NO WAY BACK
SOMEHOW I WANDERED OFF THE RIGHTEOUS TRACK

SOUL FOUR
CAN'T MOVE ON BECAUSE THE RAFT AIN'T FREE
GOT NO COINS, PENNILESS ARE WE, I'M A

SOULS
LOST SOUL IN A HOWLIN' WIND
HEAVEN FORGIVE US IF WE'VE EVER SINNED
OH YEAH, PENNILESS! OH YEAH, PENNILESS!

CHARON
THE PENNIES FROM YOUR EYES TO CROSS MY PALM

DAI
THOUGH UNDERTAKERS BREAK YOUR ARM

CHARON
PAY AND THE CROSSING SHALL BE CALM

SOULS
BUT WE’RE PENNILESS SOULS, WE’RE PLEADING POVERTY!

CHARON
NO CRYING, NOT TO ME.

DAI
SHE’S HERE TO OVERSEE THE RULES, YOU FOOLS!

SOULS
BUT WE’RE PENNILESS, YEP, WE’RE PENNILESS SOULS
PENNILESS SOULS.
BUT WE’RE PENNILESS SOULS
YES WE’RE PENNILESS SOULS
Track Name: Night Comes Creeping In
CHARON
CROSS THE WATER

SOULS
LISTEN!

CHARON
HOWLING HIGH ABOVE THE FLOW

SOULS
SHUSH, RUSHING GUSH, HEAR A SOUND!

CHARON
THREE HEADS A-SNARLING

SOULS
SNAPPING

CHARON
GET A GRIP AND DON’T LOSE HOLD

SOULS
RUFF! RUFFRUFFRUFF! DEVIL HOUND!

NEV
RABID CERBERUS

SOULS
THE DOG!

NEV
TRIPLE HEADED, DRIPPING SNOUT

SOULS
ACROSS THE SHORE ROVES AROUND

NEV
KEEPS THE DEAD IN

SOULS
DEAD IN!
NEV
KEEPS THE LIVE IMPOSTER OUT!

SOULS
OUT, KEEP HIM OUT WHERE HE’S FOUND!

CHARON
BEWARE THE NIGHT

NEV
ALL WILL BE WELL, I'LL BE ALRIGHT

CHARON & SOULS
YOU'LL GO THROUGH HELL!
THE NIGHT COMES CREEPING IN
THE NIGHT COMES CREEPING IN
THE NIGHT COMES CREEPING IN

SOULS
WATER LAPPING, SLIP SLOP SLAPPING, BIT-LIPS CHAPPING...

NEV
GRACIE, HOLD ME DEAR!

GRACIE appears in a halo of white light, radiant, soft and saintly.

GRACIE
ONE GREAT ROMANCE THAT'S NEVER BEEN
IF THERE ARE ANGELS, ANGELS INTERVENE
ANOTHER SATURDAY, ANOTHER SATURDAY AND NIGHT
HOW CAN WE FACE FOREVER AND EVER
TWO WORLDS APART AND SO MUCH IN LOVE?
IF YOU CAN SPOT THAT BREAK IN THE WEATHER
MAKE FOR THE LIGHT THAT SHINES UP ABOVE…

CHARON & SOULS
A CARGO OF LOST SOULS
DARK WATER, OUR PORTER SHALL DELIVER
HER CARGO OF LOST SOULS
DARK WATER, OUR PORTER SHALL DELIVER

GRACIE
(duetting with the above)
DON'T TAKE THE BEATING OF HIS HEART AWAY
I NEED HIS HEARTBEAT FOR A RAINY DAY
SO MUCH IN LOVE AND SO MUCH LEFT TO SAY
WE NEED A LIFETIME LEFT OF SATURDAYS
SOULS
WATER LAPPING
SLIP SLOP SLAPPING
GUARD DOG’S TEETH ATTACKING
NERVES ASTRETCH TO POINT OF BREAKING, SNAPPING...

CHARON
Can it, guys. We’re here!
Track Name: Testify
RHADAMANTHYS & AEACUS
HADES! HADES! ALL HAIL HADES!

Hades takes his Seat of Judgement. Prosecuting Council steps forward.

RHADAMANTHYS
NOW LET YOUR TIME IN THE LAND OF ARCADEA BE TOLD
WHERE YOUR BLOOD RAN HOT BEFORE YOUR BODY GREW COLD
WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER/FATHER,
MOTHER, LOVER, EVERYONE GONE?
YOU'RE IN UNDERWORLD NUMBNUTS, WHAT HAS GONE ON?
TESTIFY!

PITY'S TOO PRETTY, LET'S HIT NITTY GRITTY AND DRIVE
DESTINY STANDS BEFORE YOU AND TWO DOORS BEHIND
WHICH DOOR'S GONNA OPEN? WHICH ONE WILL SWING WIDE?
GIMME THE TRUTH AND THE WHOLE TRUTH

I WANT TO KNOW… WHO YOU'VE BEEN
WANT TO SEE… WHAT YOU'VE SEEN
WANT TO HEAR… WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH
WANT TO KNOW… WHAT TO DO WITH YOU
TESTIFY! TESTIFY! TESTIFY!

Defending Counsel steps forward.

AEACUS
My Lord, I must object!

HADES
Hmm. Sustained.

AEACUS
Thankyou

AEACUS
YOUR HONOUR, I MUST OBJECT TO SMEAR UPON SMEAR.
THIS SOUL BEFORE YOU HELD FAMILY DEAR!
HIS FATHER HE VALUED WITH HIGHEST REVERE
IF ONLY HE’D KNOWN HIM, HE WOULDN’T BE HERE

MY CLIENT ARRIVES IN THIS DOCK TO STAND TRIAL
AN IDIOT AND CLOT THERE CAN BE NO DENIAL
A FOOL WHO HAS FALLEN MY LORD, FROM A HEIGHT
BUT BAD HE IS NOT, MAY HIS SENTENCE BE LIGHT.
HADES
WANT TO KNOW

RHADAMANTHYS
TO KNOW

AEACUS
WHO YOU'VE BEEN

HADES
WANT TO SEE

RHADAMANTHYS
WANT TO SEE

AEACUS
WHAT YOU'VE SEEN

HADES
WANT TO HEAR

RHADAMANTHYS
WANT TO HEAR

AEACUS
WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH

HADES
WANT TO KNOW

RHADAMANTHYS
WANT TO KNOW

AEACUS
WHAT THE HELL TO DO WITH YOU!

HADES
So what have you got to say for yourself?

NEV
If I'm going to be tried, I want a jury!

HADES laughs, long and gruesome.

HADES
Bring in the jury!!!

Enter the seven members of the JURY, Souls at various stages of decomposition and punishment. One is in bondage gear dragging chains. One is in full military regalia with a bomb strapped to the head. Another’s head in a vice. One has head and hands in medieaval stocks, face smeared with eggs and tomatoes. Another is a pin-cushion of nine inch nails. Two are happy-clappy gay vicars from Elysium holding hands and beaming benevolently. All in all, they are NEV’s worst nightmare.

HADES
THEY SAY LIFE'S A BITCH AND THAT'S BEFORE YOU DIE
TRIAL BY JURY! JUDGEMENT DAY HAS ARRIVED!

HADES, RHADAMANTHYS, AEACUS AND THE JURY
TESTIFY! TESTIFY! TESTIFY!
TESTIFY! TESTIFY! TESTIFY!

HADES
I WANT TO KNOW

RHADAMANTHYS
WANT TO KNOW, TO KNOW

AEACUS
WHO YOU'VE BEEN

HADES
I WANT TO SEE

RHADAMANTHYS
WANT TO SEE, SEE WHAT

AEACUS
WHAT YOU'VE SEEN

HADES
I WANT TO HEAR

RHADAMANTHYS
WANT TO HEAR, HEAR WHAT

AEACUS
WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH

HADES
I WANT TO KNOW

RHADAMANTHYS
WANT TO KNOW

AEACUS
WHAT THE HELL TO DO WITH YOU!

HADES, RHADAMANTHYS, AEACUS AND THE JURY
TESTIFY! TESTIFY! TESTIFY!
TESTIFY! TESTIFY!
TEST…!

HADES
C’mon Jury!

HADES, RHADAMANTHYS, AEACUS AND THE JURY
TI…!

HADES
Decide his fate!

A long note, held suspended.

HADES
Eternity in the heaven of Elysium? Or condemned forever to the hell that is The Punishment Fields of Tartarus?

It is clear where HADES thinks NEV should go. He bangs his gavel. Everything stops.

NEV
Please may I go to the toilet?

The JURY Members each step forward in turn to deliver their verdict.

BONDAGE
Tartarus.

BOMBHEAD
Elysium.

HEAD-IN-VICE
Tartarus.

STOCKS
Elysium.

NAILS
Tartarus.

HAPPY-CLAPPY ONE
Elysium.

HADES
(turning to the seventh juror)
So ... Elysium or the Punishment Fields of Tartarus ... you have the deciding vote.

They all look at the last juror. After a long pause, on a whim and with a beaming smile ...

HAPPY-CLAPPY TWO
Tartarus.

NEV
No!!!

The door to Tartarus swings open. The GRIM REAPER stands framed in the doorway, beckoning.

HADES, RHADAMANTHYS, AEACUS AND THE JURY
TESTIFY! TESTIFY!
TES - TI –
TESTIFY!
TES – TI – FY!

HADES
Court convened.
Track Name: Where Are You?
WHERE ARE YOU?
WHERE ARE YOU?
AND AM I LOOKING FOR YOU NOW
WHEN IT'S TOO LATE?
AM I LOOKING FOR YOU NOW?
AND IN THE LIGHT OF DAY WHEN LOVE WON’T WAIT
WE CANNOT HEAR THE TIMEBOMB TICK OF FATE
WHY CAN I ONLY HEAR IT NOW
WHEN IT’S TOO LATE?
WHY CAN I ONLY HEAR IT NOW?
Track Name: Tartarus
SOULS
HADES SETS HADES LAW
EACH BEGETS HIS PRIVATE WAR
TASK AND CHORE, HADES’ NET
BREAKS US ON HIS WHEEL ROULETTE
RED AND RAW. GORE AND SWEAT
CAUGHT BENEATH HIS SILHOUETTE
TARTARUS, TARTARUS

HADES
NEVY NEVILLE CAME TO PLAY
THOUGHT IT WAS A HOLIDAY
STAYED FOREVER AND A DAY

HOW'S YOUR HOTEL? THE ROOMS ARE HELL.
FORGIVE THEM PLEASE. WE TRY, BUT
WE CAN'T GET THE DECORATORS
EVERY ONE AN ALLIGATOR
DUNGEONS - ALL THE SAME
MORE ELECTRODES TO HIS BRAIN!

I'VE BROUGHT A GAME. YOU KNOW IT WELL
CALLED 'UNDERWORLD', MIGHT RING A BELL
IT’S HARD AS HELL – INFERNAL!
THOUGH YOU’VE ALL TIME ETERNAL
LOAD, LOAD, LOAD THE GAME
HOOK YOUR BRAIN UP, GO INSANE!

NEV
WHILE I'M IN LOVE I’LL NEVER LOSE
THOUGH I’M CHAINED TO THE DEVIL
I’LL NEVER SING THE BLUES
AS MY NAME'S NEVILLE!



SOULS
TARTARUS, YOU TAKE AND BREAK US,
THOUGH WE GIVE OUR ALL, FORSAKE US.
TARTARUS LIES! TARTARUS LIES!
TARTARUS YOU TAKE AND BREAK US.
THOUGH WE SPILL OUR GUTS, FORSAKE US.
TARTARUS LIES! TARTARUS LIES!
TARTARUS, TARTARUS, BREAK YOUR HEART IN TARTARUS.

HADES
EACH ANCIENT GREEK, A SIDE SHOW FREAK.
ALL UP SHIT CREEK, THEY TRY BUT
EVERY TASK STAYS UNCOMPLETED.
IN THE END THEY’RE ALL DEFEATED.
SEE THEM, ON THEIR KNEES.
HADES RULES! I AIM TO PLEASE....

TANTALUS
THE RIVER SHRINKS. MY MOUTH GROWS DRIER.
EACH TIME I REACH, THE BRANCH GROWS HIGHER.

SISYPHUS
MY ROCK'S A FATE TOO CYNICAL
HEAVIER AS I REACH THE PINNACLE.

PROMETHEUS
TRY BEING TIED TO A CLIFF ...
VULTURES PECK AT MY MIDRIFF!

NEV
WHILE I'M IN LOVE I'M ON THE LOOSE
YOU CAN’T ENSLAVE ME
I SWEAR I'LL SLIP THE NOOSE
LOVE WILL SAVE ME

HADES
(overlapping with NEV)
YOU’LL NEVER BE HEARD. TAKE THIS DEVIL’S WORD
YOU’VE SO MUCH TIME TO SING THE BLUES.
LOVE WON’T SAVE THEE

SOULS
(overlapping with above)
TARTARUS, YOU TAKE AND BREAK US
THOUGH WE GIVE OUR ALL, FORSAKE US.
TARTARUS, YOU TAKE AND BREAK US
THOUGH WE GIVE OUR ALL, FORSAKE US.
HADES
(overlapping with above)
HOW'S YOUR HOTEL? THE ROOMS ARE HELL
I'VE BROUGHT A GAME. YOU KNOW IT WELL
EACH ANCIENT GREEK. A SIDE SHOW FREAK
EACH FUTURE BLEAK, ALL UP SHIT CREEK!

HADES & SOULS
TARTARUS, YOU TAKE AND BREAK US,
THOUGH WE GIVE OUR ALL, FORSAKE US.
TARTARUS LIES! TARTARUS LIES!
TARTARUS YOU TAKE AND BREAK US.
THOUGH WE SPILL OUR GUTS, FORSAKE US.
TARTARUS LIES! TARTARUS LIES!

While everybody sings, CHARON slips on unnoticed and unclips NEV’s terminals.

HADES & SOULS
TARTARUS, TARTARUS.
BREAK YOUR HEART IN TARTARUS!
TARTARUS, TARTARUS, TARTARUS
Track Name: Catch A Flame
LOST SOULS
CATCH A FLAME, CATCH A FLAME
COME YE RICH AND POOR
O LORD WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL
TO THE BASEMENT FLOOR

CATCH A FLAME, CATCH A FLAME
COME YE RICH AND POOR
O LORD WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL
TO THE BASEMENT FLOOR

DRIVER ONE
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS LOST FOREVER

LOST SOULS
NOW THAT WE'RE FOUND

DRIVER ONE
SEE ME TRUCKING IN A LONG LINE, ALL TOGETHER

LOST SOULS
UNDER THE GROUND.
ARE YOU TRAVELLING MY WAY
ON THIS HIGHWAY OF SOULS?
BROTHER LIGHT A FLARE
SISTER SEE YOU THERE
SOMEWHERE IN THIS DEEP AND DARKEST HOLE

CATCH A FLAME, CATCH A FLAME
COME YE RICH AND POOR
O LORD WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL
TO THE BASEMENT FLOOR

CATCH A FLAME, CATCH A FLAME
COME YE RICH AND POOR
O LORD WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL
TO THE BASEMENT FLOOR

DRIVER TWO
THOUGH WE'VE BEEN WANDERING SO LONG

LOST SOULS
WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING

DRIVER TWO
WE COULD GO ON FOREVER TOGETHER, WONDERING

LOST SOULS
WHERE THERE'S A HOME. ARE YOU
TRAVELLING MY WAY
ON THIS HIGHWAY OF SOULS?
BROTHER LIGHT A FLARE
SISTER SEE YOU THERE
SOMEWHERE IN THIS DEEP AND DARKEST HOLE
LOST SOULS
CATCH A FLAME, CATCH A FLAME
COME YE RICH AND POOR
O LORD WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL
TO THE BASEMENT FLOOR

CATCH A FLAME, CATCH A FLAME
COME YE RICH AND POOR
O LORD WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT DOWN TO HELL
TO THE BASEMENT FLOOR
BASEMENT FLOOR!
Track Name: Scared / Headbangers Song
NEV
GOD AM I SCARED.
TICK TOCK, HEART STOP, SHELL SHOCK
KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S THERE?

BOMBHEAD
TAKE YOUR PLACE IN THE GAME SHOW
BE WARNED AND BEWARE
YOU'RE A BOMB IN A SCARE.

LEADEN CLOAK
YOU FALL BEHIND UPON YOUR MISSION.
LISTEN. LISTEN.
HEAR YOUR FATHER'S FOOTSTEP QUICKEN
TO THE CALL OF THE WOODS.

HEAD-ON-BACKWARDS
HEAD HIM OFF AND SPARE THE TORTURE
OF SUICIDE ORCHARD
IN THAT ORCHARD GO HE SHOULDN'
HE'LL BE WOODEN FOR GOOD

SOULS
IT'S NOT A DREAM, YOU WON'T AWAKEN
STAY AND SLAY THE MAD ALSATION
TO THE DEATH, SAVE VIRGIL'S BACON
SCARED!

NEV
ELECTRICALLY CHAIRED
HEART STOPPING, DOOR LOCKING, HEAD STOCKING
KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S THERE?

NAILS
TAKE YOUR PLACE IN THE GAME SHOW
A PRIZE TO BE WON. A NIGHTMARE BEGUN.

BONDAGE, dragging chains, gives NEV a sparkly ring.

BONDAGE
GIVE THE RING UPON YOUR FINGER
TO A KING OF A SINGER
NOT A MOMENT LONGER LINGER
TIME BEATS HER WING.

HEAD-IN-VICE gives NEV a shield.

HEAD-IN-VICE
FIELD THE BLOW WITH SHIELD OF LEATHER
FOR YOUR FATHER, ONWARD EVER!

BLOCK OF ICE gives him a sword.

BLOCK OF ICE
WIELD THE SWORD AND GIVE UP NEVER
IT'S A FLESH AND BLOOD THING.

SOULS
IT'S NOT A DREAM, YOU WON'T AWAKEN
THIS IS FACT, NOT ALLEGATION
COME AND CLAIM YOUR BLOOD RELATION
SCARED!

NEV steps up his pace. He has to dodge raining fire.

NAILS
HEART STOPPING

BONDAGE
DOOR LOCKING

HEAD-IN-VICE
HEAD STOCKING

BLOCK OF ICE
KNEES KNOCKING...

SOULS
SCARED!

NEV breaks into a run.

BOMBHEAD
TICK TOCK
NAILS
HEART STOP

LEADEN CLOAK
SHELL SHOCK

BLOCK OF ICE
KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S...

SOULS
SCARED!

NAILS
HEART STOPPING

BONDAGE
CHAIN LOCKING

HEAD-IN-VICE
HEAD STOCKING

BLOCK OF ICE
KNEES KNOCKING...

FRANK & RICK burst in on NEV. They are the triple-headed, dual-guitared, Heavy Metal act CERBERUS THE DOG, who’s job it is to guard the portals of The Heartbreak Hotel. Yes, Triple-headed. A large, ‘soft toy’, Bull-Dog’s head protrudes centrally from the collar of the giant suit of denim in which they are both encased (‘Cerberus The Dog’ emblazoned across the back). They pogo up and down and smack their heads together.

RICK
ME AND MY BROTHER PUT OUR FEET REAL CLOSE TOGETHER

FRANK
HEAD DOWN, HEAD DOWN, GOT TO KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN

RICK
HANG OUR AXES SO THEY'RE SOMEWHERE NEAR THE FLOOR


FRANK
TRY AND HOLD A CHORD DOWN, AN OPEN CHORD DOWN

RICK
ME AND OUR RICK WE GET A KICK FROM GUITAR HEROES

BOTH
OI OI OI!

RICK
GOT TO LOOK THE PART IN

FRANK
DENIM AND DOC MARTEN

RICK
ME AND HIM'S THE BOSS, WE

FRANK
LOOK LIKE FRANCES ROSSI

BOTH
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!

FRANK
ME AND MY BROTHER PASSED AWAY UPON A DANCEFLOOR

RICK
BANGED OUR HEADS TOGETHER, MUCH TOO HARD TOGETHER

FRANK
IN 1983 WHEN WE WAS WATCHING STATUS QUO

RICK
FELL INTO A SLUMBER, MISSED THE FINAL NUMBER

FRANK
ENDED UP IN HELL

RICK
SAID WOT THE HELL HAVE WE COME HERE FOR?

BOTH
OI OI OI!


FRANK
EVERYONE'S IN LEATHER

RICK
WOULD WE WEAR IT?

FRANK
NEVER

BOTH
WE'LL GO ON FOREVER,
BANGING HEADS TOGETHER
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!

FRANK
Get him Rick.

They assail NEV with their machineheads.

FRANK
EVERYONE'S IN LEATHER

RICK
WOULD WE WEAR IT?

FRANK
NEVER.

BOTH
WE'LL GO ON FOREVER,
BANGING HEADS TOGETHER

WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
WHAM BAM HEADBANG
WHAM BAM HEADBANG!
Track Name: Hell Can Be Heaven
HELL CAN BE HEAVEN, IT'S A HELL OF A SCENE
CAN BE HEAVEN IF YOU JUST LAY BACK AND SCREAM
HELL CAN BE, HELL CAN BE, HELL CAN BE SWELL, CAN BE...

HELL CAN BE HEAVEN, IT'S A HULLABALOO,
CAN BE HEAVEN. IF THERE'S JUST ONE THING YOU DO..
HELL CAN BE, HELL CAN BE, HELL CAN BE SWELL, CAN BE

AH, HEAVEN, HEAVEN. AH HEAVEN, HEAVEN
TAKE ME HIGH, TAKE ME LOW
IF THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE YOU CAN GO...

HELL CAN BE HEAVEN, IT'S A HIGHWAY ON DOWN,
CAN BE HEAVEN, AND IT'S MY KINDA TOWN
HELL CAN BE, HELL CAN BE, HELL CAN BE SWELL, CAN BE

AH, HEAVEN, HEAVEN. AH, HEAVEN, HEAVEN.
TAKE ME HIGH, GIVE ME MORE
TAKE ME HIGH, GIVE ME MORE
TAKE THE ROAD TO MY DOOR.

HELL CAN BE HEAVEN, IT'S A HELL OF A SCENE
CAN BE HEAVEN IF YOU JUST LAY BACK AND SCREAM
HELL CAN BE, HELL CAN BE, HELL CAN BE SWELL, CAN BE...
HELL CAN BE…AH, AH, AH

ELVIS & GUYS
AH, HEAVEN, HEAVEN. AH HEAVEN, HEAVEN
HIPS AND LIPS, EYES AND THIGHS,
LEGS OPEN WIDER TO WELCOME ME, HELL CAN BE
AH, HEAVEN, HEAVEN. AH HEAVEN, HEAVEN.
AH, HEAVEN, HEAVEN.
OOH! (AH) OOH! (AH) OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH! AAAHH!
Track Name: Cheating Words / Another Hero
ELVIS
CHEATING WORDS AND CHEATING HEARTS DON'T TEMPT ME
FOLLOW THESE RULES AND LIFE WILL NO LONGER BE EMPTY
ALWAYS DO WHAT THE GOOD LORD SAY
FOLLOW YOUR GOD OR THERE'S HELL TO PAY.
YOUNG OR OLD, IT'S DEVIL’S GOLD
STAND UP, I SAY
ALWAYS DO WHAT THE GOOD LORD SAY
AND EACH AND EVERY MORNING IS A CHRISTMAS DAY.
CHEATING HEART YOUR CHEATING CEASE
SOME DAY ON EARTH BE PEACE.

Canned applause. Two GUYS move into the audience brandishing signs: 'Standing Ovation!’ ‘Up off Your Butt!' 'Clap You Bastards!' ELVIS milks the applause, flashing the peace sign, giving it lips and hips.

GUYS
ANOTHER HERO BITES THE DUST
ANOTHER HERO HITS THE TRAIL
ANOTHER HERO WAVES AT US
ANOTHER HERO HAIL

¬ELVIS
Thank y'all! I'm coming amongst you. I'll be there. I'll be there for you!

ELVIS moves amongst the audience, pressing the flesh.

GUYS
ANOTHER HERO BITES THE DECK
ANOTHER HERO HITS THE RAILS
ANOTHER HERO, WHO COULD FORGET?
ANOTHER HERO SAILS

ELVIS
Stand up! Stand up y'all! Some day on earth there will be peace! Yes there will! I fixed it with Nixon!

ELVIS climbs back on stage and ascends a stairway towards a backdrop sunset.

GUYS
ANOTHER HERO CLIMBS THE STAIRS
ANOTHER HERO SKIPS THE BAIL
ANOTHER HERO, SAY A PRAYER
ANOTHER HERO’S UP FOR SALE
ANOTHER HERO PAYS THE PRICE
ANOTHER FOOL IN PARADISE.
ANOTHER HERO, ANOTHER HERO TO FIND!

At the top of the stairs, ELVIS turns and gives a final wave.

ELVIS
Goodbye everybody. Follow your God!
A trapdoor opens beneath him.

ELVIS
Aargh!!

ELVIS crashes out of our lives.

NEV
Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis has just left the building.

ELVIS
(muffled, distant)
WE’RE CAUGHT IN A TRAP....

BLACKOUT.
Track Name: Tree Rap / Beware The Saw
AUTOCARPUS
AND THEN

ARANVEL
SOME MEN

AUTOCARPUS
BY THEIR OWN HANDS ARE SLAUGHTERED.

ARANVEL
BLOOD DRAINS

AUTOCARPUS
FROM VEINS

ARANVEL
AT THE SLIT OF A KNIFE.

AUTOCARPUS
A GUN TURNS

ARANVEL
A ROPE BURNS

AUTOCARPUS
AND ON SUICIDE ORCHARD

ARANVEL
A TREE GROWS

AUTOCARPUS
AND GOD KNOWS

ARANVEL
IT'S THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

AUTOCARPUS
I GOT ONE SHOT AT MY BRAIN WITH A PISTOL.
I SPUN THE GUN IN THE TOP LEFT HAND DRAWER.

ARANVEL
I SPILLED SOME PILLS THEN FILLED UP MY SYSTEM.

DAI
A TREE YOU'LL BE, FOREVER!

ARANVEL, AUTOCARPUS, DAI
BEWARE THE SAW!

VIRGIL
YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG GUY!
I NEVER BADE THIS CRUEL WORLD GOODBYE
ORCHARD LISTEN UP NOW, WOULD I LIE?

ARANVEL, AUTOCARPUS, DAI
YOU'RE GONNA COME A CROPPER
FROM A CHOP CHOP CHOPPER
O PLEASE BEWARE THE SAW

VIRGIL
YOU CUT ME, I BLEED, I FEEL HUMAN NEED
ON YOUR HEARTS OF OAK I TESTIFY!

ARANVEL, AUTOCARPUS, DAI
YOU'LL NEVER RECOVER
FROM CHOP CHOP BROTHER
OH PLEASE BEWARE

VIRGIL is starting to sprout leaves.

AUTOCARPUS
NO MORE CAN YOUR LEGS PUMP LIKE A PISTON

ARANVEL
CHIN CHIN THE SKIN PROTECTING THE BONE

AUTOCARPUS
LIPS CHAP, BLOOD SAPS, THERE'S A CHANGE IN THE SYSTEM

ARANVEL
TWO BOOTS TAKE ROOT. TWO BRANCHES HAVE GROWN

AUTOCARPUS
DIVEST THE FLESH AND STIFFEN THE SINEW

ARANVEL
LUMBER SLUMBERS IN EVERY PORE

AUTOCARPUS
TAKE SHOOT, BEAR FRUIT, TURN LIMB INTO TIMBER


DAI
YOU'RE WOOD FOR GOOD

ARANVEL, AUTOCARPUS, DAI
BEWARE THE SAW!

VIRGIL
BEECH, OAK, SYCAMORE, PALM
I WOULDN’, I WOULDN’ SELF-HARM
ORCHARD LISTEN UP NOW, WOULD I LIE?

ARANVEL, AUTOCARPUS, DAI
YOU'RE GONNA COME A CROPPER
FROM A CHOP CHOP CHOPPER
OH PLEASE BEWARE THE SAW!

VIRGIL
I MISUNDERSTOOD, I WOULD'VE BEEN GOOD.
ON MY HEART OF OAK DON’T CARVE GOODBYE!

ARANVEL, AUTOCARPUS, DAI
YOU'LL NEVER RECOVER
FROM CHOP CHOP BROTHER
OH PLEASE BEWARE....

We see NEV racing towards the Orchard.

NEV
Virgil! Dad!!

AUTOCARPUS, ARANVEL
IT'S NOT A DREAM, TOO LATE TO HASTEN
DADDY'S HAND CANNOT BE SHAKEN
ORCHARD CLAIMS YOUR BLOOD RELATION: SNARED!

DAI
TICK TOCK, HEART STOP, SHELL SHOCK, KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S...

AUTOCARPUS, ARANVEL
SNARED!

DAI
HEART STOPPING, DOOR LOCKING
HEAD STOCKING, KNEES KNOCKING!

AUTOCARPUS, ARANVEL
SNARED!

Virgil's branches are fully extended. He petrifies.
Track Name: Our Gracie
GRACIE
TELL THE WELLWISHERS OUTSIDE
THE BEST PLACE FOR CONFETTI IS IN THEIR POCKET
I CAN’T BE THE BLUSHING BRIDE
WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S LIKENESS IN MY LOCKET

BINHEAD slips a wedding ring on her finger.

I DON’T WANT TO BE HIS BABY
STARING AT ‘IF ONLY’ ‘WHAT IF’ ‘MAYBE’

She turns to BINHEAD.

GRACIE
THOUGH I HATE TO LEAVE YOU IN THE LURCH....
(By way of apology)
Love the church…
She removes the ring.
I DON’T WANT TO BE OUR GRACIE
IN A MILLION YEARS, NO WAY, NO HOW!
DON’T MAKE ME SAY I DO, I DON’T!
NOT HERE, NOT YOU, NOT NOW

GRACIE presses her wedding ring into BINHEAD’s hand. They fade from view as NEV stirs from his slumbers. He looks around and remembers where he is.

NEV
I DON'T KNOW WHERE TIME SEEMS TO GO DAD
I DON'T KNOW WHERE, I DON'T KNOW WHY
THE MOMENT THAT MY BACK IS TURNED
IT SEEMS TO FLY.

We hear snarls and angry growls.

NEV
Cerberus!

NEV rises to his feet.

NEV
I’M GONNA BREAK FREE FROM HADES
TAKE AN EYE FOR AN EYE!
I’M GONNA BREAK FREE FROM HADES
IF I KNOW ONE THING, THE DOG’S GONNA DIE!

Lights up on GRACIE. She’s on top of the altar, brandishing the candelabra at a startled trio of VICAR, VERGER and BINHEAD.

GRACIE
I DON'T WANT TO BE OUR GRACIE
WHY SHOULD I LIE?
I DON’T WANT TO BE OUR GRACIE
YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG GIRL, I’VE GOT THE WRONG GUY!

CERBERUS moves murderously into view and slavers before NEV. The VICAR, VERGER and BINHEAD nervously adopt an attacking stance before GRACIE.
Track Name: Wishing I Was Home
NEV
WISHING I WAS HOME, WISHING I WAS HOME
WISHING IT WAS ONLY A MILE OR SO
WISHING I WAS HOME, WISHING I WAS HOME
WHERE THE CHIPS ARE VILE ON THE OLD KENT ROAD

ALL THE NEIGHBOURS KNOW ME
THERE’S NO HELL BELOW ME
THINKING ONE THOUGHT ONLY
WISHING I WAS HOME AND DRY

WISHING ME AND YOU WERE ON THE
NUMBER TWENTY-TWO
LAUGHING FIT TO BUST JUST THE WAY WE DO
IF THEY ONLY KNEW
IF THEY ONLY KNEW
PEOPLE MUST BE WOND’RING WHAT HAPPENED TO...

ALL THE NEIGHBOURS KNOW ME
THERE’S NO HELL BELOW ME
TAKE IT FROM ME ONLY
I’M LONELY, LONELY...

GRACIE
DEEPLY BLUE, THESE FLOWERS ARE ME AND YOU
LIVE FOREVER AND NEVER DIE
THESE FLOWERS ARE YOU AND I
TIME ROLLS ON, I GROW OLDER AND YOU STAY YOUNG
I WITHER LIKE AUTUMN LEAVES
I LIVE, WHILE MY DEAD HEART GRIEVES

AND THOUGH I DREAM
IT’S ONLY CASTLES BUILT IN SPAIN
GRACIE
I’M PLAYING THOSE TRAINS AND BOATS AND PLANES
LET MY HEART RULE MY BRAIN
SAYS YOU’RE CALLING MY NAME
MAKE BELIEVING THINGS ARE RIGHT AS RAIN

NEV
WISHING I WAS HOME

GRACIE
IF YOU ONLY KNEW

NEV
WISHING I WAS HOME

GRACIE
IF YOU ONLY KNEW

NEV
PEOPLE MUST BE WOND’RING WHAT HAPPENED TO...
WISHING I WAS HOME, WISHING I WAS HOME
WHERE THE CHIPS ARE VILE ON THE OLD KENT ROAD

ALL THE NEIGHBOURS KNOW ME
THERE’S NO HELL BELOW ME
THINKING ONE THOUGHT ONLY
WISHING I WAS HOME AND DRY

GRACIE
(duetting with the above)
TIME ROLLS ON
I GROW OLDER AND YOU STAY YOUNG
COLD COMFORT AND AUTUMN LEAVES
NO LONGER MY HEART BELIEVES…

I’VE SEEN THROUGH DREAMS
THEY’RE ONLY CASTLES BUILT IN SPAIN
ILLUSIONS TO HELP TO HIDE THE PAIN
IT NEVER POURS BUT IT RAINS
AM I CRYING AGAIN?
CATCHING DRIZZLE ON MY WINDOW PANE...

NEV & GRACIE
YOU'VE NOBODY ELSE TO CALL YOUR OWN
YOU'RE A HUNDRED MILLION MILES FROM HOME
THINK OF THIS WHEREVER YOU MAY ROAM:
I HOLD YOU ...
Track Name: Large Martini / Another Hero Reprise
CHARON
HERE'S TO THE EVER AFTER
THE FEEL OF LOVE, THE PEAL OF LAUGHTER
HOPES AND DREAMS BE BALLAST ON THE WAY.

She passes NEV the bottle

NEV
HERE’S TO MY FAVOURITE RAFTER

CHARON
ONE MORE BOTTLE IF WE HAVETA

GRACIE
YOUR WINE, LIKE BLOOD RUN THICKER

CHARON
(to NEV)
YOU KNOW SHE KILLED THE VICAR?

The sea of PENNILESS SOULS parts to reveal a battered and bruised VICAR in bloodied surplus, who gives a rather sickly smile and a half-hearted wave.

CHARON
I’LL POUR A LARGE MARTINI
I MEAN A LARGE MARTINI
FILL THE GLASS WITH HOPE AND SAIL AWAY
I DO BELIEVE YOU’VE GOT IT
LIKE NO OTHER’S GOT IT
YOU WON'T COME ROUND AGAIN
YEAH! AMEN!
WHERE THERE’S A RULE, UPSET IT
BUT HADES’ CRUEL, DON’T YOU FORGET IT
UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN

PENNILESS SOULS
ANOTHER HERO CLIMBS THE SKIES
ANOTHER HERO BLAZES TRAIL
ANOTHER HERO DEATH DEFIES
ANOTHER HERO SAILS!

ANOTHER HERO FIGHTS THE FIGHT
ANOTHER HERO DARES TO FAIL
ANOTHER HERO LIGHTS UP THE NIGHT
ANOTHER HERO LANDS THE HOLY GRAIL!

ANOTHER HERO BATTLECRIES
ANOTHER HERO WILL PREVAIL
ANOTHER HERO'S STANDARD FLIES
ANOTHER HERO HAIL!

ANOTHER HERO PAYS THE PRICE
AND CLAIMS A THRONE IN PARADISE.
ANOTHER HERO, ON SUNSET'S HEAVENLY TRAIL!
LOVE WILL SAIL ON THROUGH
ON THROUGH, SAIL ON THROUGH!